After 2 long year, we await yet another.

It's been such a long time that I can't remember writing more than a few lines. The last time I updated my status facebook was merely in its infancy, iPhones just started the touch screen revolution and I had only 1 car. But through these pass 2 years, although time may feel like it went by quick. It in all sense took its time. But for 2013, it really was the dawn of a new age. A time when the world ended in 2012 and begun anew. Everything that anyone knew or loved changed in some way. Nothing remained the same ever yet again. We had the most widest media covered election, one that shook the very foundation of our government to its core, one that was rightfully won but woefully and legally lost. The last bastion of hope for democracy taken away by bureaucracy and flaws in the system that had long plagued the world since ancient times of the greeks. But still it hasn't worked before and it wont begin to work. But personally this is a long year, a long long year indeed. Starting off the year with an exam looming and recovering from being cast away from the only group I had been with in the past year, all over a mere RM6.90. One can truly judge character by how swallow and cheap they can be. But from this I arose, been able to spread my wings and gather ground, being able to cross the horizons and make new friends across all ranges. I benefited almost every way possible after reeling from this emotional banishment. But I digress, having missed 7 marks for getting my 1st class honours, I cannot begin to imagine how different life would be if I had actually performed well in my 3rd semester rather than wasting my time recovering mentally from these pitiful imbeciles. Graduating is not all its cracked up to be either, working at a job that I would say rightfully was mine. This position and this chance came about a kind hearted but calculated gesture, to place me as a pawn upon a stage where I could look after the undertakings of the business. But little did I know, I was given a 1st class ticket to the Titanic. Being worthless and useless is an accomplishment enough, but being the absolute worst possible human being in the sense of the word characterizes my supervisor. A born and pure bred piece of crap that honestly deserves his post, cause frankly he can stay there so the world doesn't have to tolerate him roaming free, wasting away July-October, wasn't that long enough. But from that tragedy, rose my actual clear view of my life. I was not in it for the career or the chance to EARN money. All i'm interested in is to MAKE money. With that said, fingers crossed there is still a chance that I can make it in the market fast and soon. Speed is of the essence and I intend to end 2014 with buckets load of dollar bills instead of borderline poverty in my current predicament. Next comes Taekwondo, this long lasting passion of mine has actually kept me running in circles for the most of 2013. Literally a game of cat and mice with my life and my studies. I spent the good half of the year training and trying to proof to my dumb self that I could still do it, that it is glory and pride to compete and excel, when I find out it is nothing more than hollow victories, fought by small men who require gratification to prove their worth to themselves and others. Sacrificing the time and effort of so many others just to compete in their lowly competition. Regarding grading, as a man that loves ranks and levels, I cannot bring myself to further my rank for the promises that I has already made to a loved one. Setting in writing here I employ 3 options for my 3rd promotion. 1) I am asked 2)She goes with me 3) The year reached 2019, the 9th anniversary of my current rank. Long enough to see One more generation come and go. Ask for the other girl. So much effort time and money was spent on 2012 that I just couldn't let myself go, therefore god did me the favour and cut the cord for me. Right after the new year I had pushed her for her 2nd Dan. After that I had nothing to push her for, nothing to talk to her about. The last time I had a meaningful moment with her was 3rd May, sirs Birthday and the demo. Then training for the competition was embarrassing for myself, losing both admiration and respect all along the way. But then again, she blew it also. Failing in the last moment, as I forgot was it sudden death for the Gold. But in her face doubt and uncertainty. Most fucked up is I was one of the few blamed for the shortcomings I bet. Hope I truly don't have to see her again. But all in All none of the above matters when it comes to the most important part of 2013, the only reason I live, the sole purpose of my life right now. My love. During the past 2 years I saw you gradual slip from peak performance to less that what you were. I saw the beginning of your toe issues to the seclusion in your behavior in crowds, the lost of stamina and vitality. And all of these I blamed you for not being disciplined and not taking care of yourself. But the moment we found out the truth, guilt had stricken me with the hardest of blows. It all had finally made sense, the weight, the sun, the heart. It was all connected in the most unbelievable matter, in Illness. For all the blame I had put in you I cannot be more sorry than any words or expressions that I can profess. The times that I blame you one being angry about petty things, the time I blamed you about not letting me go promote myself ahead, the time that I was jealous of you, the time that I was not so happy you wanted me all to yourself. It was all a plead, a plead from a time that would change forever if I had not cherished it with you. Before everything had changed, we were already reaching out to me with compassion, understanding, patience, benevolence. But all I gave in return was a mind wandering and wondering about our future, I truly am sorry for what you have had to read today, and I am sorry for all the pain I had caused once before. The moment clarity had struck me, I was so scared of losing you. The thought that you would no longer be with me had finally became a reality and it hit me to the core as hard as anything else could. I cannot believe reality had changed for me and you in an instant, and our fight for luxury, time and joy, turned into fighting for survival. How I regretted I had blame you for sleeping halfway though when you were genuinely worn out and tired. But through so many visits to the doctors, so many admissions, so many vials of blood taken. I am ever proud of your spirit. Your ability to fight adversity and still remain strong, still remain sane. I will always be here with you for this journey, and I promise you I will never leave your side if I was given a choice. Heading into the next year, we only face it head on, with all the hope and dreams that we had put on standby, I am sure we get them done one by one in due time. I love you forever and always. Happy New Year 2014!!