Wednesday, January 1, 2014
After 2 long year, we await yet another.
It's been such a long time that I can't remember writing more than a few lines. The last time I updated my status facebook was merely in its infancy, iPhones just started the touch screen revolution and I had only 1 car. But through these pass 2 years, although time may feel like it went by quick. It in all sense took its time.
But for 2013, it really was the dawn of a new age. A time when the world ended in 2012 and begun anew. Everything that anyone knew or loved changed in some way. Nothing remained the same ever yet again.
We had the most widest media covered election, one that shook the very foundation of our government to its core, one that was rightfully won but woefully and legally lost. The last bastion of hope for democracy taken away by bureaucracy and flaws in the system that had long plagued the world since ancient times of the greeks. But still it hasn't worked before and it wont begin to work.
But personally this is a long year, a long long year indeed. Starting off the year with an exam looming and recovering from being cast away from the only group I had been with in the past year, all over a mere RM6.90. One can truly judge character by how swallow and cheap they can be. But from this I arose, been able to spread my wings and gather ground, being able to cross the horizons and make new friends across all ranges. I benefited almost every way possible after reeling from this emotional banishment. But I digress, having missed 7 marks for getting my 1st class honours, I cannot begin to imagine how different life would be if I had actually performed well in my 3rd semester rather than wasting my time recovering mentally from these pitiful imbeciles.
Graduating is not all its cracked up to be either, working at a job that I would say rightfully was mine. This position and this chance came about a kind hearted but calculated gesture, to place me as a pawn upon a stage where I could look after the undertakings of the business. But little did I know, I was given a 1st class ticket to the Titanic. Being worthless and useless is an accomplishment enough, but being the absolute worst possible human being in the sense of the word characterizes my supervisor. A born and pure bred piece of crap that honestly deserves his post, cause frankly he can stay there so the world doesn't have to tolerate him roaming free, wasting away July-October, wasn't that long enough.
But from that tragedy, rose my actual clear view of my life. I was not in it for the career or the chance to EARN money. All i'm interested in is to MAKE money. With that said, fingers crossed there is still a chance that I can make it in the market fast and soon. Speed is of the essence and I intend to end 2014 with buckets load of dollar bills instead of borderline poverty in my current predicament.
Next comes Taekwondo, this long lasting passion of mine has actually kept me running in circles for the most of 2013. Literally a game of cat and mice with my life and my studies. I spent the good half of the year training and trying to proof to my dumb self that I could still do it, that it is glory and pride to compete and excel, when I find out it is nothing more than hollow victories, fought by small men who require gratification to prove their worth to themselves and others. Sacrificing the time and effort of so many others just to compete in their lowly competition. Regarding grading, as a man that loves ranks and levels, I cannot bring myself to further my rank for the promises that I has already made to a loved one. Setting in writing here I employ 3 options for my 3rd promotion. 1) I am asked 2)She goes with me 3) The year reached 2019, the 9th anniversary of my current rank. Long enough to see One more generation come and go. Ask for the other girl. So much effort time and money was spent on 2012 that I just couldn't let myself go, therefore god did me the favour and cut the cord for me. Right after the new year I had pushed her for her 2nd Dan. After that I had nothing to push her for, nothing to talk to her about. The last time I had a meaningful moment with her was 3rd May, sirs Birthday and the demo. Then training for the competition was embarrassing for myself, losing both admiration and respect all along the way. But then again, she blew it also. Failing in the last moment, as I forgot was it sudden death for the Gold. But in her face doubt and uncertainty. Most fucked up is I was one of the few blamed for the shortcomings I bet. Hope I truly don't have to see her again.
But all in All none of the above matters when it comes to the most important part of 2013, the only reason I live, the sole purpose of my life right now. My love. During the past 2 years I saw you gradual slip from peak performance to less that what you were. I saw the beginning of your toe issues to the seclusion in your behavior in crowds, the lost of stamina and vitality. And all of these I blamed you for not being disciplined and not taking care of yourself. But the moment we found out the truth, guilt had stricken me with the hardest of blows. It all had finally made sense, the weight, the sun, the heart. It was all connected in the most unbelievable matter, in Illness.
For all the blame I had put in you I cannot be more sorry than any words or expressions that I can profess. The times that I blame you one being angry about petty things, the time I blamed you about not letting me go promote myself ahead, the time that I was jealous of you, the time that I was not so happy you wanted me all to yourself. It was all a plead, a plead from a time that would change forever if I had not cherished it with you. Before everything had changed, we were already reaching out to me with compassion, understanding, patience, benevolence. But all I gave in return was a mind wandering and wondering about our future, I truly am sorry for what you have had to read today, and I am sorry for all the pain I had caused once before.
The moment clarity had struck me, I was so scared of losing you. The thought that you would no longer be with me had finally became a reality and it hit me to the core as hard as anything else could. I cannot believe reality had changed for me and you in an instant, and our fight for luxury, time and joy, turned into fighting for survival. How I regretted I had blame you for sleeping halfway though when you were genuinely worn out and tired. But through so many visits to the doctors, so many admissions, so many vials of blood taken. I am ever proud of your spirit. Your ability to fight adversity and still remain strong, still remain sane. I will always be here with you for this journey, and I promise you I will never leave your side if I was given a choice.
Heading into the next year, we only face it head on, with all the hope and dreams that we had put on standby, I am sure we get them done one by one in due time. I love you forever and always.
Happy New Year 2014!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A year yet again.. 2011
It's been a long year, with so much gone by it feels even closer to the start then to its end. Filled with so many ups, and likely as many downs as well. But nonetheless, a year that wasn't wasted anymore.
Talkin bout my life, you would see it in many parts in different angles, so much knowledge and experiences were gained, most of them mattered, most of them cherished.
With my darling piggy, we really did grow up together again, never had i thought i would ever been able to talk you home to meet my parents, but we did it. We beat the odds, and never looked back.
In the whole of 2010, we had to endure a 'guardian' peering over our every move, constricting every fiber of our freedom to enjoy ourselves, and to express our love. In this year, it was no more. Sure it meant the lost of so many in a breakaway so radical it shaked the foundations of our society. But we prospered, and to say I feel bad it happened would be no more than a lie.
As to think, from then and from there 2011 was a great start, we had great moments together and shared many wonderous adventures, each sweeter than the last, particularly in the later months of the year, where our fortunes were even greater with ur dads new job. We finally could get what we dreamed about for so long. Today marks our post 950th day together, and frankly it would never had shared it with anyone else.
Speaking of our fortunes, nothing this year i can say would b greater than our trip to cameron highlands, certainly alot better to the beach but equally fun. The trip there had so little promise, so few pockets of hope dwell in the arrangements and the supposed way things were meant to happen. In a bless of fortune unparalleled, IT ALL WORKED. The journey there and the way back was not all enjoyable, but the paradise that is so high above the seas was without a doubt.
In cameron itself, our luck struck in the chance to share the same transport, share the same roof, we were literally able to spend almost every waking moment together. Aside from me feeling like im young again, sorry about that><. But the experiences we shared with out trips around the hills, with our convoy of 15 people if a single vehicle is astounding, rivaled only in mumbai. But what was more amazing was what we could do as a couple we never could before. Suffice to say, it was as great a trip as any of us ever will remember.
Secondly we move on to my 'career', I can say after 2 1/2 years i did finally graduated my Diploma from Disted, yet humorously havnt had a ceremony or my cert presented to yet. I would say it all went so very well, it all went so very right, with group growing, with the group becoming a family. But then, it all had to change, misunderstandings, disputes, petty uncivilized arguments robbed me of the ends light. But then again, I wouldn't regret of of you. Sure some of you i miss, but i doubt any of you miss me at all. So good ridden if need be, I have no qualms about the lost of your companies. Break-ups, tear-ups and moving on with life, the group is in oblivion. So the final moments of the birthdays and the time we can spend together in June and July were indeed out last.
Moving on with my life, I carried on in a different college, we need not of dutying like a lab monkey, I moved to KDU, and I hope i studied the correct thing, cause that raises doubts on its own. But the people there are different, aside from severe food poisoning from 5 day stomach flu and RM170 in summons, its quite alot of fun. Formed a new group of 12, made many many new friends that we couldnt cuz of the restrictions in our time table, but we all came to know one another, and it is a gang to be remembered just for their talents, their maturity, and their efforts and daring to work for their spoils.
In the matter of friends, there is one I would like to forget and I thought was gone, she meant so much to me before, and still means some to me now, but I know today, I meant nothing and will never mean anything to her. Sad, but deserving, I can say i have closure, I can calm my endless rage of what ifs, what might be and what could have been. When I find out that even after you finished with your longest relationship, that I thought maybe I could have you as a closer friend, but know I know I never had a chance, and that in pain brings great release and relief.
Moving on, a mention is to be given to my old K800 of sony ericson, A brand that exist no more. Replaced with a Samsung Galaxy S2 at July 17, right after final finals and right after anytime there is to share with disted, truely not destined with them. But still a status symbol nontheless.
Now moving on to my Grandmother, who fought valiantly against her ailing health, succumbing to it in the end, all from a simple toe infection discovered in the irony of your last birthday, cruel is fate, never ending in fortune, never giving in mercy.
You will be dearly missed grandma, for the time you spent with us is longer than any other, you managed to out live grandpa by 7 great grand children.
On the same note, its been one year since Dino has passed, his face, his warmth and his companion fates with time and memory, never again shall i ever get to pet or hug you, but never again do you have to bear the burdens of your pain. Rest in peace, we'll never forget you, or your brothers and sisters before you.
2011, a year alot longer than we could ever remember, in the global view, mass changes and great movements in the world we know has come, and more yet to come, looming in the dark ready to materialize. But from my view, it has been a great year, one of which I lost many, and gained many more. This of which includes my hairs ridiculous length it is today. This was a year i cannot seem to stop praising, for FINALLY letting me win, for finally letting me be in a class matching what I know is my potential, sure measures and risk had to be taken. Sure some may have been regretted. So goodbye 2011, you have been amazing to me, and you fianlly show me life works, because I Did It My Way.
Talkin bout my life, you would see it in many parts in different angles, so much knowledge and experiences were gained, most of them mattered, most of them cherished.
With my darling piggy, we really did grow up together again, never had i thought i would ever been able to talk you home to meet my parents, but we did it. We beat the odds, and never looked back.
In the whole of 2010, we had to endure a 'guardian' peering over our every move, constricting every fiber of our freedom to enjoy ourselves, and to express our love. In this year, it was no more. Sure it meant the lost of so many in a breakaway so radical it shaked the foundations of our society. But we prospered, and to say I feel bad it happened would be no more than a lie.
As to think, from then and from there 2011 was a great start, we had great moments together and shared many wonderous adventures, each sweeter than the last, particularly in the later months of the year, where our fortunes were even greater with ur dads new job. We finally could get what we dreamed about for so long. Today marks our post 950th day together, and frankly it would never had shared it with anyone else.
Speaking of our fortunes, nothing this year i can say would b greater than our trip to cameron highlands, certainly alot better to the beach but equally fun. The trip there had so little promise, so few pockets of hope dwell in the arrangements and the supposed way things were meant to happen. In a bless of fortune unparalleled, IT ALL WORKED. The journey there and the way back was not all enjoyable, but the paradise that is so high above the seas was without a doubt.
In cameron itself, our luck struck in the chance to share the same transport, share the same roof, we were literally able to spend almost every waking moment together. Aside from me feeling like im young again, sorry about that><. But the experiences we shared with out trips around the hills, with our convoy of 15 people if a single vehicle is astounding, rivaled only in mumbai. But what was more amazing was what we could do as a couple we never could before. Suffice to say, it was as great a trip as any of us ever will remember.
Secondly we move on to my 'career', I can say after 2 1/2 years i did finally graduated my Diploma from Disted, yet humorously havnt had a ceremony or my cert presented to yet. I would say it all went so very well, it all went so very right, with group growing, with the group becoming a family. But then, it all had to change, misunderstandings, disputes, petty uncivilized arguments robbed me of the ends light. But then again, I wouldn't regret of of you. Sure some of you i miss, but i doubt any of you miss me at all. So good ridden if need be, I have no qualms about the lost of your companies. Break-ups, tear-ups and moving on with life, the group is in oblivion. So the final moments of the birthdays and the time we can spend together in June and July were indeed out last.
Moving on with my life, I carried on in a different college, we need not of dutying like a lab monkey, I moved to KDU, and I hope i studied the correct thing, cause that raises doubts on its own. But the people there are different, aside from severe food poisoning from 5 day stomach flu and RM170 in summons, its quite alot of fun. Formed a new group of 12, made many many new friends that we couldnt cuz of the restrictions in our time table, but we all came to know one another, and it is a gang to be remembered just for their talents, their maturity, and their efforts and daring to work for their spoils.
In the matter of friends, there is one I would like to forget and I thought was gone, she meant so much to me before, and still means some to me now, but I know today, I meant nothing and will never mean anything to her. Sad, but deserving, I can say i have closure, I can calm my endless rage of what ifs, what might be and what could have been. When I find out that even after you finished with your longest relationship, that I thought maybe I could have you as a closer friend, but know I know I never had a chance, and that in pain brings great release and relief.
Moving on, a mention is to be given to my old K800 of sony ericson, A brand that exist no more. Replaced with a Samsung Galaxy S2 at July 17, right after final finals and right after anytime there is to share with disted, truely not destined with them. But still a status symbol nontheless.
Now moving on to my Grandmother, who fought valiantly against her ailing health, succumbing to it in the end, all from a simple toe infection discovered in the irony of your last birthday, cruel is fate, never ending in fortune, never giving in mercy.
You will be dearly missed grandma, for the time you spent with us is longer than any other, you managed to out live grandpa by 7 great grand children.
On the same note, its been one year since Dino has passed, his face, his warmth and his companion fates with time and memory, never again shall i ever get to pet or hug you, but never again do you have to bear the burdens of your pain. Rest in peace, we'll never forget you, or your brothers and sisters before you.
2011, a year alot longer than we could ever remember, in the global view, mass changes and great movements in the world we know has come, and more yet to come, looming in the dark ready to materialize. But from my view, it has been a great year, one of which I lost many, and gained many more. This of which includes my hairs ridiculous length it is today. This was a year i cannot seem to stop praising, for FINALLY letting me win, for finally letting me be in a class matching what I know is my potential, sure measures and risk had to be taken. Sure some may have been regretted. So goodbye 2011, you have been amazing to me, and you fianlly show me life works, because I Did It My Way.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Its been a long while since
Well its my birthday, finally 20.. N it took a while, but i made it^^
Been quite a year, gained and lost so much in this journey, those who i lost i miss you
Those who are still with me I love You even more.. Especially you my dear
You've been me through thick and thin and i am eternally grateful, there is no words to describe how much you mean to me now :-*
Lets hope there is a brighter future on the road ahead, long live life.
Been quite a year, gained and lost so much in this journey, those who i lost i miss you
Those who are still with me I love You even more.. Especially you my dear
You've been me through thick and thin and i am eternally grateful, there is no words to describe how much you mean to me now :-*
Lets hope there is a brighter future on the road ahead, long live life.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Rest In Peace my Lil Prince
21st December 2010, 23:45 marks the day Dino left our home, but will never leave our hearts.
Sorrow for the lost of a truely loved one, graced with his presence for the past half decade, unending is his deed to us, our homes, our hearts.
Struggles against the circle of life deemed too strong for this gentle being, succumbing to the fates, forever another mark in history, lore, and legend.
Glorious was his life, blessed with fortunes the world beholds, gifted with passion to care, the heart of an angel, the face of a kitten.
In this short span in the test of time, in the many adventures and journeys you have trekked, explored you're world and rip all of its spoils.
You have only brought endless joy, never have you asked for anything in return, only the embrace of a loved one.
Maybe things might have been different, maybe things could have been changed. But cruel is the hand of fate, to end ones existence in his prime.
Forever shall you're name be engraved in the souls of all of us, blessed to have meet you, cared for you, LOVED YOU.
Rest in Peace, Dino
Sorrow for the lost of a truely loved one, graced with his presence for the past half decade, unending is his deed to us, our homes, our hearts.
Struggles against the circle of life deemed too strong for this gentle being, succumbing to the fates, forever another mark in history, lore, and legend.
Glorious was his life, blessed with fortunes the world beholds, gifted with passion to care, the heart of an angel, the face of a kitten.
In this short span in the test of time, in the many adventures and journeys you have trekked, explored you're world and rip all of its spoils.
You have only brought endless joy, never have you asked for anything in return, only the embrace of a loved one.
Maybe things might have been different, maybe things could have been changed. But cruel is the hand of fate, to end ones existence in his prime.
Forever shall you're name be engraved in the souls of all of us, blessed to have meet you, cared for you, LOVED YOU.
Rest in Peace, Dino
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Time really does change ALOT
This is slowly turning into a monthly journal if i don't start updating more constantly.
Well this month is one to remember, finally made the leap of faith and jumped into the other group, negating all the previous drama queens, pansys, idiots, and the occasional spoiled brad.
This new group is interestingly different, not exactly home, but a comfortable place to be in non the less, sure i'm not widely accepted, but neither was einstein in his early years.
Strangely enough, I'm lab dutying 17 hours a week, talk bout child labour, but its all for money, the cornerstone of life.
Well talk bout romance, my sweetheart has finally passed another life long important event, her PMR, i can't begin to tell you how happy i am for her to finally lift this burden, and what ever may happen, this wretched monster will never be a burden anymore.
Had a great day with her yesterday, the 1st time i went to prangin in more than 1 odd month. Finally pick-up GTA Liberty City Stories, Finally getting to intimately hug her, something i din do since august at least. It was a memorable one.
All the while to this, ive picked up a bunge of new ways to express what is happening now, but i would like to do it in song, so heres the clip that really means something to me, strangely i don't know why.
Enjoy^^
Well this month is one to remember, finally made the leap of faith and jumped into the other group, negating all the previous drama queens, pansys, idiots, and the occasional spoiled brad.
This new group is interestingly different, not exactly home, but a comfortable place to be in non the less, sure i'm not widely accepted, but neither was einstein in his early years.
Strangely enough, I'm lab dutying 17 hours a week, talk bout child labour, but its all for money, the cornerstone of life.
Well talk bout romance, my sweetheart has finally passed another life long important event, her PMR, i can't begin to tell you how happy i am for her to finally lift this burden, and what ever may happen, this wretched monster will never be a burden anymore.
Had a great day with her yesterday, the 1st time i went to prangin in more than 1 odd month. Finally pick-up GTA Liberty City Stories, Finally getting to intimately hug her, something i din do since august at least. It was a memorable one.
All the while to this, ive picked up a bunge of new ways to express what is happening now, but i would like to do it in song, so heres the clip that really means something to me, strangely i don't know why.
Enjoy^^
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I'm Sorry.. You know I love you rite?
This post is fully and sincerely dedicated to my beloved, I know I usually behave like a jerk, Act like an asshole, And conduct like a bastard. But you always stick by me.
I know life has been tough, Like the earth is splitting and you just can't find your ground, and one way or another people keep snatching it away from you time and time again. Unforgiving is reality, treacherous is life. But in a few weeks time, it will all be a distant memory, a tall tale told to those who are fortunate enough to hear you spin this yarn.
I truly am sorry, to kick you when you are down, to suffocate you when you drown. I mean no harm in my ways of expressions, yet compulsion and obsession tends to get the better of me when i lack contemplation in my actions.
I pray as well, that your burden may be shared amongst all that indeed hold you dear to their hearts, even though it may seem you are all alone, angels linger amongst your presence, forever shining the path onward and forth, trying times may we challenge the hardiness of our souls.
I kid you not with literature and poetry in this post, for my mind may only express itself in ways only you should understand. I love you my dear, all apologizes, all for forgiveness, as i pass on my condolences for this torment you have been put through this year. But hold your ground, the hour is near, and onward shall come the dawn of day through the dark of night.
I just pray, when the dust settles, in an eon that will past, we are still one. As I can sing this tune to you, when the hairs on your head fade to gray.
My love, I can give you nothing, but my heart. Forever and always, your hopeful husband
XOXO
I know life has been tough, Like the earth is splitting and you just can't find your ground, and one way or another people keep snatching it away from you time and time again. Unforgiving is reality, treacherous is life. But in a few weeks time, it will all be a distant memory, a tall tale told to those who are fortunate enough to hear you spin this yarn.
I truly am sorry, to kick you when you are down, to suffocate you when you drown. I mean no harm in my ways of expressions, yet compulsion and obsession tends to get the better of me when i lack contemplation in my actions.
I pray as well, that your burden may be shared amongst all that indeed hold you dear to their hearts, even though it may seem you are all alone, angels linger amongst your presence, forever shining the path onward and forth, trying times may we challenge the hardiness of our souls.
I kid you not with literature and poetry in this post, for my mind may only express itself in ways only you should understand. I love you my dear, all apologizes, all for forgiveness, as i pass on my condolences for this torment you have been put through this year. But hold your ground, the hour is near, and onward shall come the dawn of day through the dark of night.
I just pray, when the dust settles, in an eon that will past, we are still one. As I can sing this tune to you, when the hairs on your head fade to gray.
My love, I can give you nothing, but my heart. Forever and always, your hopeful husband
XOXO
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